LOVE AND OTHER INFECTIOUS DISEASES.
Meanwhile, I think I have the "whine" flu. The one where you use a high-pitched screechy voice when saying things like, "Mommy took care of you when you were sick" or "Has anyone seen the rest of the orange juice because I need to triple mix it with Ciroq." Also used when spouses make small talk, but are misunderstood: "Are you saying I'm not working? I got my work done. I can't help it if my temperature is 102.4. So what if all I'm doing is watching the first two seasons of 'Weeds'."
This is the same flu that causes irritability, loss of memory (or perhaps that's the Ciroq), addiction to old TV rather than books, and stanky clothes (which could also be a result of mixing up the anti-cellulite lotion with the self-tanner).
Pandemic, y'all. Watch yourselves.